after my first viewing i was mesmerized.  many things in life have the influence to change our moods and immediate perception of the world around us.  sometimes you’re reminded of a fond childhood memory and nostalgia takes over and you find yourself watching cartoons for comfort.  sometimes you hear a piece of music that instantly triggers your dance reflex and you cant keep your feet still till its over.  some things in our pop culture are just heavily laced with innuendo.  you don’t have to peel many layers to get to the sexual undertones and an obvious nod to the wonderful world of psycho-actives.  but never before has one piece of art caused me to do literally all those things at one time. congratulations alice.  i can now tell you first hand what a strange feeling it is to suddenly want to dance, masturbate, trip and watch cartoons intended for small children simultaneously.  i really hope my roommate doesn’t come home right now.

i dont know about you, but every time i masturbate, i go pretty far out of my way to make sure the back of my hand smells like salty milk and coins. sometimes i have to settle for the water that keeps the tuna fresh in its can (similar odor, same kind of sexy). but if im not hungry when i ‘punch the pope’ then i’ve wasted what could have been a perfectly good sandwich. with habits like these, my sexytime ritual is getting pretty sticky, expensive and increasingly harder to explain to my roommate. “what man? im just hittin’ the shower with a tall glass of sour milk and your coin jar. i’ll put it back when im done. why you always judgin’ me bro?” so thank god the germans have found a way to help all the probably millions of guys who go through the same thing i do whenever they’re just trying to rub one out to the simulated smell of vagina on their hand. (more…)

get it? speared? like intercourse. sexual intercourse. aaaaaaanyways, i was talking to my friend patty today on IM about the movie juno. she had no fucking clue what i was talking about.

IM convo:

flip: i saw that juno movie today. it was pretty tight.

patty: dude. that movie looks so scary! is it super scary?

flip: juno?
i don’t think we’re talking about the same movie.
unless your scared to death of being 16 and pregnant.
in which case yeah.
scary as fuck.
like britany’s little sister.
that bitch is 16 and pregnant and it scares the fuck out of me.
not because there are 16yr old prego bitches runnin’ wild,
just that the spears are procreating like fucking rabbits and their eyes are way too far apart on their heads for that to be completely legal.

patty: hahahahahahaha! oh flip. you’re so funny and sexy and super funny.

note: the dude in the picture isn’t the lucky bastard that impregnated the younger goldmine spears. nope. this was way back when times were much simpler. all young jamie had to worry about was whether or not her prom date knew what a clitoris was and hope all the notes she wrote on her palm in pink highlighter from cosmogirl on how to give the perfect bj didnt sweat off while they were slow dancing to the thong song. heh. kids. *sigh*

jesus christ. i’ve been djing for quite some time now, but none of that matters anymore. cuz i quit. these little bastards made me cry for an hour. do the chinese have to own our country AND rule our ones and two’s????

im not even really sure what to say about this one. thought unicorns were gay already? they’re about to get a whole lot gayer. i dont know where this came from or how long its been around, but one thing i do know is that it is GAY. and awesome. and very very gay.

thomas doyle says, “My work mines the debris of memory through the creation of intricate worlds sculpted in 1:43 scale and smaller. Often sealed under glass, the works depict the remnants of things past—whether major, transformational experiences, or the quieter moments that resonate loudly throughout a life. In much the way the mind recalls events through the fog of time, the works distort reality through a warped and dreamlike lens.” funny.  the last time my reality was distorted through a warped and dreamlike lens, i awoke to a scenario not unlike the globe pictured above.  and the only debris i was mining came out of the tip of my penis.

*vegas hookers dont take iou’s.  sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

*if your anything like me, typography makes your balls tickle (or nipples hard, whatever).

the quiet revolution is the body of work by London based Illustrator Claire Scully inspired by the conflicting and harmonious relationships the urban environment has with the natural world. in other words, cool shit to look at if your into art and fonts. definitely check her body of work out. catch her droppin new shit like ev-er-y daaaay on her blog.

*if you were really anything like me, you wouldnt be reading this blog. you’d be finishing a grueling set of 500 hands-free cock push-ups with a triad of willing college girls feeding you soy jerky (im a vegetarian) and rubbing warm lavender oil on your naked ripped and toned body. shit gets boring around here sometimes.

i love this. these ingenious college atheists found an incredible way to exercise their free speech. ’smut for smut’ is a way to not only rid yourself of toxic religious bolly hoo, but to also help you build a strong, lasting personal relationship with one of the more useful products modern society has blessed us with: kleenex. you take your old bibles and other religious materials and, much like the toys for guns program, you trade them in for some porn. (more…)

the pascal young gallery is an excellent collection of photographers.  many different american and international series to peruse.  you can view classic and iconic photographs from the late 50’s and 60’s alongside new exciting works from some of today’s best photographers.  however, if you’re not easily impressed by the magnificent artistry of some of the best in their craft, there are plenty of nipple shots and enough soft core to make you drastically change the direction of your websurfing.  youporn.com is awesome by the way.

the gibson HD.6X-Pro Guitar System is a les paul outfitted with multiple digital i/o’s including, Media-accelerated Global Information Carrier or MaGIC: An Ethernet port that carries bi-directional signals with low latency and no signal degradation over miles of cable. gibson calls it, “the most revolutionary leap forward in guitar manufacturing in more than 50 years…that is poised to usher in a new era of music making. ” its a bold statement and i will say its the first guitar thats given me a hard-on since i was 14, but i think this shows how out of touch the r n’ d department at gibson has become. obviously none of them have played guitar hero. that shits bad ass. maybe they should do a little more research next time.